⚠️SUICIDE WARNING⚠️

August 15th. The sun had already gone down but the warm humid air was still surrounding the area. My body sweating non-stop as I ran up the stairs of my apartment building.

The Japanese word“さよなら” (sa-yo-na-ra means goodbye)

Just a 4 letter text from her.
I knew what it was hinting at, I knew what it meant instantly .

I was working regardless of the holiday at my workplace. After I got ready to go home, I headed home to my apartment in a hurry.
At the apartment rooftop, on the other side of the fence, there I saw you standing with your blank eyes.

This was actually the 4th time seeing you planning to jump to your death.

It is said that there are 2 types of humans in this world.
A drive to “life”- humans who are ruled by “Eros”
A drive to “death”-humans who are ruled by “Thanatos”

Most humans in this world are ruled by Eros, but she was most definitely ruled by Thanatos.

I already knew she was a human who was ruled by Thanatos before we started dating.
I mean no shit, we met each other when I stopped her from jumping off just like right now on an apartment rooftop.


A girl who recently moved into the same apartment complex. Round eyes and small plump lips, a cute face, but you had a sad expression. You stole my heart in a heartbeat. I think it was something like love at first sight.

Since then, we started talking about all types of things and we became closer. She was almost like an Angel who came down from heaven to me, since I was working at a company with poor illegal working conditions and living all alone at the time.

I always had one question that confused me though. Every time she plans to commit suicide, she always contacts me before hand. And always waits till I get there.

I think that I’d be easier to die by telling nobody about it. But I assumed that maybe she wanted me to stop her from jumping, just like the first time we met, that she wanted me to help her.

So again, today, I run up the stairs of the building.

heavy breathing

I arrived at the roof.

I find her standing on the other side of the fence.

“Wait-”

I jumped over the fence and grabbed her hand. Her hand was cold compared to the warm humid air.

“Let me go”

Her voice was like a sound of a tiny bell. Her cute fragile voice. I liked her voice too.

“Why are you always like this!”

“I just wanna die already”

“Why…!”

“Because Mr Reaper is calling me”

She can see “Reapers”. It’s said that some people who are ruled by “Thanatos” have this condition.
And “reapers” can only be seen by those who are ruled by “Thanatos”

“Reapers don’t exist”

“Why don’t you understand..!?”

Every time I deny the existence of reapers, you always scream and cry.

It’s said the reapers are in the form of what looks the most tempting to the people that can see them, meaning that they look like your ideal person.

When she stared at the reaper (even though it only looked like she was staring into thin air to me), she looked like she was a girl in love. Almost like she was really falling in love.

I hated that facial expression of hers.

“Stop looking at the reaper and please look at me”

“I don’t want to..!”

She tried to shake off her hand from mine so I squeezed her hand harder unintentionally.

“That hurts..!”

! “I’m sorry….”

Hey, but it’s your fault. You tried to shake me off… because you don’t look at me..

“Mr Reaper wouldn’t do this…!”

A dark feeling starts to fill my heart.

“Why…”

I love you so much..so why can’t you just look at me and only me?

Somewhere in my heart I knew it was dumb to be jealous over a reaper, but it didn’t matter to me anymore.

“I just hate this”

I hate this too

“I’m too tired”

I’m tired too

“I just wanna die already”

“I wanna die too!!”

She lifted her face up at the moment.

And she smiled.

As soon as I saw her smile I felt the dark feeling in my heart disappear.

Wait, is this….

“Did you realize?”

“yeah…I finally understand”

“Really..? That’s good..”

Oh that’s what it was.
She didn’t contact me every time she planned to jump because she wanted me to help her.

She wanted to take me with her.

She was…my “reaper”

A cool breeze blew. The humid air had already disappeared.

“Lets get going now”

“yeah..let’s go”

You and I, holding hands.

Almost like running away from the frustration this world brought upon us

We raced into the night.